“Why Won’t My Teen Go To Bed And Wake Up At A NORMAL Time?"
Aug 19, 2025
Understanding the Truth Behind Teen Sleep (And Why It’s Not About Laziness)
You’ve probably said it, or at least thought it, more times than you can count:
“Why can’t they just go to bed at a decent time?”
“How are they still asleep at 11 am?”
“What is wrong with them?”
And when the morning routine turns into a battleground (again), it’s easy to spiral. Frustration, guilt, even panic creeping in, and it can sometimes feel like we’ve lost control, or question whether we are too soft, or if they just don't care?
Let me stop you right there.
This isn’t laziness.
It isn’t rebellion.
And you are definitely not failing.
YEP It’s biology (“what again” I hear you say)
The Teen Brain Isn’t Wired for Early Starts
Researchers have been studying adolescent sleep for decades, and the findings are interesting and reassuring.
Around puberty, a teen’s brain undergoes a shift in its sleep/wake cycle. Their body doesn’t start producing melatonin (the hormone that helps them fall asleep) until around 10:45 pm, and it keeps producing it until about 8 am. Whereas for us as adults, our melatonin starts producing much earlier, and as we age, we produce less; therefore, we sleep less and often wake up earlier. Younger children release melatonin earlier still, which is why they’re bouncing around at dawn. Babies don’t even begin producing melatonin until around 8 weeks old, and their rhythms don’t settle until 3–4 months.
So yes, melatonin quietly shapes every stage of life. And in the teenage years, it’s set to “late”.
But what does this mean for teens?
They can’t fall asleep earlier.
They genuinely can’t wake up earlier.
And they’re definitely not doing it on purpose.
This shift is a natural part of the human development stage in their lives.
Do you remember as a teen going to sleep later than your parents? It happens to all of us.
Which means their version of tired doesn’t match ours. The world, unfortunately, hasn’t caught up; school bells, buses, and 6.30 am alarms still run on adult time. And so begins the clash between their biology and our reality.
(Side note: a 3 am TikTok binge is still a choice, but remember, their 3 am feels very different to yours. And unlike us, they genuinely need those 8–10 hours of sleep to function.)
What Sleep Deprivation Does to Our Teens
When teens miss out on the sleep their bodies crave, it ripples through everything:
- Mood swings and a low tolerance for stress
- Higher risk of anxiety, depression, and hopelessness
- More chance of risk-taking behaviours (smoking, drinking, drugs)
- Foggy memory, focus struggles, lower school performance
From the outside, you see the irritability, the forgetfulness, the withdrawal. But underneath, it’s often just exhaustion.
And yes, it can be maddening when they crash for 12 hours at the weekend. But that’s not laziness, that’s their body desperately clawing back what was lost during the week. Playing catch-up, one long lie-in at a time.
So What Can You Do Right Now?
You can’t rewire their biology. You can’t magic melatonin to arrive earlier, or shift school start times overnight (although this has been tested in America and they found that risky behaviours like smoking, drinking and drugs reduced, and academic performance increased)
But you can change how you respond. You can create an environment at home that supports their rest, eases the tension, and keeps your relationship intact.
Here’s how:
1. Loosen the fear lens.
It’s so easy to slip into the spiral of what ifs: What if they’re like this forever? What if they never cope in the real world?
Breathe. This is a season, not a sentence. Their sleep patterns will eventually realign. Let’s go back to when you were a teen. I certainly remember being irritated when my stepmother was banging on my door at 8 am on a Saturday when I just wanted to SLEEP, but now I'm a pretty early riser, and there is no doubt that an early bedtime is something I look forward to. How about you? Can you see the difference in your own sleep patterns as you’ve got older?
2. Help them notice what throws them off.
Rather than handing your teen a “bedtime plan” (which let’s face it, they are never going to appreciate), help them to notice what ‘might’ be contributing to their late nights. Is it late afternoon or evening energy drinks (I really don’t like those things), endless scrolling, or that one game that always gets them fired up at midnight?
This isn’t about lecturing them about all the things they should and shouldn't be doing; it’s about planting the seed:
“Have you noticed you feel more awake when you’re gaming right before bed? What do you think might help to get you ready for sleep at a more reasonable time?”(This is a great opportunity for you to share your own experience of maybe when you are scrolling on your phone before bed, and how it stops you from feeling ready to sleep)
Even if they don’t change much straight away, awareness is powerful. Over time, they start connecting the dots themselves, and when the idea feels like it came from them, it sticks far better than if it came from you.
3. Hold boundaries, without the blow-ups.
You’re still the parent, and limits are important. But they don’t need to be barked. Instead of “Turn it off now!” try “What would help you wind down tonight?” Collaboration beats command every time; it changes the energy from a battle to teamwork.
4. Redefine mornings.
If they stagger downstairs like zombies, see it as a win, they’re up, they’re moving, they’re showing up. Keep mornings as light as you can so that there is less confrontation, more space.
I learned this with my youngest. Our mornings used to be a nightmare. Every day started with shouting. Then I stepped back. I let go of the hounding. And do you know what? We both had better days. He’d forgotten the drama by the afternoon, but I carried the weight all day if we fell out. Softer mornings changed everything.
5. Let them in on the secret.
Teens love the why. Share what you’ve learned, explain that their body clock is genuinely wired to sleep later right now, and that this won’t last forever. It’s part of being a teenager.
However, the world isn’t built around teen biology. School still starts at 8:30. Life isn’t going to shift to match their melatonin, so they need to think about how to adapt, even a little, for their own well-being.
This is where you can invite them to think about:
“What could you do to make mornings less brutal for yourself? Could you create a shut-off time from your phone or device, even if you’re not tired? Is there something you could do in the hour before bed to help your brain slow down?”
Remember that teens don't think about ‘consequences’ or what the next morning will feel like, because again, their brain isn't wired to consider that. When you think about it, their brain isn't massively on their side, is it 🥴. This is about helping them connect the dots between their choices and how they feel. Because when they see that their own habits affect their energy, mood, and even friendships, they’re far more likely to care.
You’re Not Alone
If you’re reading this at 11 pm, waiting for your teen to finally switch off…
If mornings begin with eye-rolls and muttered words…
If you’re exhausted and they’re exhausted and you’re questioning everything…
Please hear me: it’s not you. It’s not them. It’s their brain not aligning with the system.
And while we wait for schools and society to catch up, the most powerful shift begins with you, your understanding, your compassion, your ability to see beyond the chaos, oh and while we are at it, if you’re staying up late worrying about them, then you too will be sleep deprived and this can lead to a perfect storm (Don’t do it).
So tonight, if you spot that light still glowing under their door, maybe don’t storm in. Try softness instead. Check in, let them know you’re there, but also trust that natural consequences can be equally powerful and with your support, sometime soon they will figure out that feeling rubbish the next day is simply not worth the late night, and they will start to adjust.
Remember, you were a teenager once. It’s messy and challenging, but with the right support, we all evolve. This is just a chapter in their lives, and if we as parents are alongside them, without judgement, it makes that transition so much easier for them.
If mornings and bedtimes feel like constant battles, please know you’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.
That’s exactly why I created Compass. It’s a space for parents just like you to reconnect with your teen, rebuild trust, and find calmer ways through these messy seasons, without losing your mind in the process.
