The Empowered Parenting programme has been bobbing around in my head for at least ten years, maybe even fifteen. However, my children were of an age where they really needed me to be present and available for them; therefore, any ideas about doing anything more than my client work were shelved for the future. However, this was also the time when my own family cycles came to the forefront of my mind, and I knew that there were some I needed to break and ensure I didn't repeat for my children and some I wanted to bring forward in my parenting.
Little did I know that there would be many more examples of how I was raised showing up in my parenting that I didn't even know existed. I am just grateful that I had the fortitude to identify them and challenge them, not only for my children's sake but also for mine, which is essentially why I am here for you today.
In many ways, I'm so glad I waited until now to formulate what I feel so passionately about. I have learnt such a lot from being a mum (they are now 22 and 19) and having developed experience working with people who have had challenging childhoods and the ripple effect that has had on their lives.
I grew up in the '70s with parents who had very typical '70s parental views and parenting strategies. By age 3, I lived with my dad and stepmother, which was very unusual in the '70s; it still is, but not so unique. I would visit my mother and her partner every other weekend until I was in my mid-teens.
My dad was very traditional, and my stepmother was completely unavailable (I actually think she created the term 'wicked stepmother'). This made childhood very tricky at times as neither parent was available emotionally; however, it was my normal. At the time, I didn't actually know any better.
Only since I've grown older can I see the pitfalls in how I was raised and the challenges this presented to me as an adolescent and young adult. Although my parents were not bad people, that lack of emotional connection left me reeling into my teenage and adult years, making many ill-informed decisions without the support and guidance I needed at the time.
Little did we know that the world would evolve at warp speed, and here we are in the 21st century with way more knowledge, information and emotional intelligence than any generation before us. Therefore, parenting more consciously is even more crucial if we want to maintain a great relationship with our children.
Over the past twenty years, I have made it my business to understand what every child needs in infancy and beyond so that I can help parents and children thrive. I can see that what I needed in my young adult years really needed to be installed much earlier in my life in order for me to succeed.
We now know that much previous-generation parenting has been far from adequate. Our children are becoming far more independent and intelligent, and previous-generational parenting strategies are simply no longer fit for purpose. To be honest, I'm not sure they were ever fit for purpose. Still, in our parents' defence, they didn't know any better.
When I started my journey as a therapist, I had no specific ideas about why people struggled with their psychological health; I simply wanted to help.
20+ years on, my work has consistently reinforced that people experience life challenges differently, and their parenting and childhoods ALWAYS feature somewhere amongst it all.
This is not to say that people who have had difficult childhoods are the only ones who struggle... no, no, no. You would be surprised at how challenging life is for people who have been nurtured and had everything done for them. You would think that such parenting would be perfect, right? No. Parenting is a delicate balance; finding that balance is essential but not easy to find.
Parenting changes from generation to generation; however, a child's needs really don't change. They need consistency and predictability and to be taught how to navigate life.
Our primary teachers of how to be parents are our parents, and let's not forget they are drawing from their parents (your grandparents). Therefore, we find ourselves bouncing from one generation to another with the same or similar parenting strategies, even if we can see they weren't adequate for us (remember what I said, not fit for purpose)
I want to help people change this! I want to help people see that by taking a deep dive into their belief systems about what a parent is and how to parent, we can parent by design and shape our parenting journey to what we want for our children, not steeped in how we were raised. This is not to say that we won't bring some traits forward; however, we will bring them forward with awareness and choice.
For our relationships with our children to thrive, for them to make healthy decisions, and for them to have good mental health, we need to get alongside our children and parent them with their future in mind, not based on our own needs or experiences.
So there is my reason WHY.
I want to help parents and children alike to enjoy their journey and to have a healthier and happy society as a result.
I hope you have enjoyed a little insight into my thoughts and passions in life.
