"I Feel Like I'm Walking on Eggshells": What This Actually Means (and What to Do Instead)

It’s one of the most common things I hear from parents of teens:

"I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells."

If that’s been your experience lately, holding your breath, treading carefully, not wanting to say the wrong thing, I want you to know you’re not alone. It’s an exhausting and uncertain place to be. One minute you’re just trying to connect, the next you’re being told to leave them alone. It’s confusing and sometimes really hurtful, and often parents' biggest fear is, "Am I losing my relationship with my child"?

But here’s what I want you to hear loud and clear:

Your teen’s emotional shutdown isn’t personal.

I know it feels that way. It feels like rejection. Like they don’t care. Like everything you say annoys them (and honestly, some days, it does). But what’s really happening is this:

They’re oscillating between desperately wanting to be independent and knowing they’re not quite there yet.

They still need you, they just don’t want to feel like they do.

So when you try to connect with them in the way you’ve always done, asking questions, offering advice, giving hugs, checking in, they can experience that as interference. And yes, to them, it can be flat-out annoying.

They’re trying to work out who they are without you constantly standing over their shoulder.

That push-pull dynamic creates the eggshells. You want closeness. They want space. You’re trying to stay connected, they’re trying to establish autonomy. It’s no wonder it feels tense.

So what can you do?

Here’s what I often suggest to parents: stay in your own lane.

That doesn’t mean disconnect or give up. It means being really intentional about how and when you show up, and letting go of the urge to fix, hover, or over-question.

A few things to try:

• Wait for their window – connect when they’re ready, not just when you are.
• Get curious – not about the stuff they hate talking about, but about their world. Their music. Their favourite YouTuber. The weird memes they send their mates.
• Drop in lightly – send them a TikTok or a meme that pokes fun at what it’s like to be a teenager with a parent who keeps “just checking if you’re okay.” A bit of shared humour can go a long way.
• Meet them where they are – if they need space, respect it. That’s part of how they learn to self-regulate and come back to you when they’re ready.

Influence, don’t control

The more you try to control, the more they’ll pull away. But that doesn’t mean you have no influence.

In fact, your quiet presence, your willingness to be there without being in their face, is hugely powerful. It builds trust. It tells them, “You don’t have to perform or explain for me to love you. I’ve got you, even when you’re not okay.”

You’re creating a safe distance, one where they know they can come towards you when they need to, without feeling smothered or judged.

And yes, it might look like you're doing “nothing” from the outside. But holding that kind of steady space is everything.

Take some time to look inward.

Before you try to “fix” things with your teen, it’s worth gently turning your attention inward.

Take a moment to reflect:

• What were your teenage years like?

• How did your parents respond to you when you were moody, shut down, or pulling away?

• What did you need back then that you maybe didn’t get?

• Are you trying to do the opposite of what they did? Or can you now see why they were the way they were?

Sometimes we unconsciously repeat the patterns we grew up with. Other times, we swing the other way and overcorrect, trying so hard not to be like our own parents that we end up feeling unsure of how to show up at all.

Neither approach is wrong. But this is an opportunity to pause and ask:

• What do I want to be different in my family?
• What kind of relationship do I want to build — not just now, but long-term?
• And what small things can I start doing to strike a balance between connection and space, influence and autonomy?

This kind of self-reflection can be incredibly grounding. And if nothing else seems to be working, sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is speak honestly to your teen.

“What do you need from me right now?”

Yes — they may well say, “Nothing.”

But even then, you’ve created a moment. A small opening. An opportunity to say:

“I hear you. And although you don’t need or want anything from me right now, I need you to know that I’m always here.”

That’s the message they’ll carry with them, even when they act like they don’t want it.

If this resonates…

If you’re walking on eggshells and you’re ready to step off them, I can help.

Supporting parents to shift from reactivity and fear into confidence and connection is at the heart of what I do. You don’t have to get it perfect; you just need to stay present, stay grounded, and stay open.

In September 2025, I will launch my new group programme, COMPASS, specifically designed to help parents of teens navigate the complexities of adolescence, strengthen their relationships with their children, and foster an environment where both parents and teens can thrive.

If you would like to be considered for the Beta group, then click here, and I would love to keep you updated.